Into the Stooslewagon of Noin

Upon waking this morning, a ginger root-faced monkey bounded through the invisible time portal of deathskin y’cawks to tell me, in a very sing-song sort of way, that the people of Planet Kataroo were dancing their way across the ocean of fwoopledingers so they could attend a get-together (one of rather high status) held by Sir Tilliard Snootswazzle III, Duke of Breetleskee Lopshire, and that I was cordially invited to attend the afterwards reception as a guest speaker on the topic of hootenladdles, as I was recently appointed cosmic expert and Supreme Mugwump of all sorts of fribblenost and pricklesnoob. I informed him I didn’t have a clue what he was on about and would he please mind taking his muddy kettle of parsnips and grinthwarstle to the bathtub, as it is in dire need of carthnudding so it does not continue to spew radioactive moondust all about my chambers.

“A quintipeuth of blathies,” he said as he bowed just before vanishing like a joolarky on a keel.

In his place, a heavy parchment lay that spoke of threats, great terrible threats, upon the homeland of the Qatotl—small rat-like humanoids that wanted nothing but to sip spiced ink and build overgrown dusnapathy robots (a recent invention first achieved by the Qatotl mastermind, Hobsi Azfar). These threats coincided with the mysterious disappearance of Hobsi, leading countless musspews within the Olalio sector into prosecution despite the obvious evidence present by Mr. Pellet Croworthy that proved the musspew’s innocence.

I could certainly not sit by and do nothing, knowing that the whole of the Epicast system was in great danger of a hostile takeover lead by none other than the abominable Anostlies Venificus of Shod’paartul. A nasty character, known for his demolishing of the entire Meershal system– once home to several highly advanced and completely peaceful races such as the Ku, Swi, and Zi’tyo just to name a few. The real cause of the Meershal system’s destruction has been long concealed by the corrupt governments of the Rrarttal, keepers of all knowledge and protectors of the Ler’Soo.

What enabled Anostlies Venificus to have the power to abolish Meershal? Whatever it was could be the key to his next plot of yarkining… and if I only knew where to tootif so I could sign up for a meeting with King Cowelrot of Sugarbit Foot, I could secure the apple-ladden eves of the past, present, future, and all the snarklegoobs in between.

I must begin the first litzi of my jaxtossle! Make haste and prepare your blood pump for ultimate musing! We must aid in the preservation of all that is quelthered and varp!

Let the broccoli stalks once again dance in the chai breath of okapis that spunted o’er the savannas of dreams and led fair hearts to the bitter reaches of the eternal silence found within a single acorn’s brain meats!

Cast off! Spire to a new hearth! Let us achieve the sart of kwassle in the tupperware of brimming soot and beads of lavender!

Arise and fight! Fight for spoons! Oh, blessed figgle, we crumple in anger these parchments of time cakes, these cookies of skin nuggets. Primate candy, invite again and I shall perform the grandest of grand! Through the portal of love and eksle, I will scream my battle cry of musical habbernart! And the universe will know!

***

Just a funny little thing that reared up from the long-distant past. Figured wholesome nonsense is always worth the share.

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